EDITOR’S NOTE: CS Louis has spent the majority of his life serving the God’s of core. He’s decided to pass along some of the wisdom that comes with this territory. And he’s starting at the top: our shapers. (Hopefully you have one). They are the men who mold the loves of our lives. Here is phase 2 of maintaining a healthy relationship. —Travis
1. Call him by his first name and greet him cordially. One syllable will be fine: Jim, Dave, Rob, Jack, Al, Matt, John, Doc, Shawn, Tim. If confusion arises due to multiple syllables, try another shaper.
2. Speak in simple sentence structures. Try subject, verb, object and beware of adjectives and adverbs. They conjure fantastical illusions and injure meaning that don’t correspond with timely finished products.
3. Bring gifts. Try burritos, Doritos, Jarritos, nachos, and always remember the beers. The optimal amount can be gauged by his consumption patterns that vary from shaper to shaper. Too many cans of the sweet stuff and he will be passed out on the couch in the alley, too few and he will be insulted that his joyous crafts only warrant a sixer of domestic. Remember he is free to gripe at will about the temperature in which it is served.
4. Buy him a book. A worldly shaper is an inspired shaper. Genres could include the martial arts, organic gardening, Latin American cooking, salsa dancing, Eastern meditation, and alien abductions. Remind him that it is left to right, and top to bottom just like High Times.
5. Expect one glassed-in pubic hair for each twenty dollars of besought discount.
6. Feel free to rap on his chamber door unexpected at maximum one week intervals. The disillusioned require a healthy fear of God to remain productive.
7. Remember he’s trying his best to suit your world’s needs and not his. If he wanted to abide by societal norms and real-world deadlines, he wouldn’t be a shaper. Unlike the demented reality your surfing exists within, it’s doubtful he’s doing this for money, fame, or bitches.
8. Remember to give him genuine feedback, and thank him sincerely and often.